I’m on my soapbox again, after a few days of silence. I intended this blog to be therapeutic for myself first and foremost, because something is always irritating me. This weekend I ran in to that same issue. I am so irritated and frustrated with people who call themselves “friends”. It is my personal opinion that the word friend is taken too lightly.
Maybe people just don’t love the way I do. Maybe people don’t feel personal obligation to be around when their friends need them. Maybe people just weren’t raised the same way I was. I think that if you’re someone’s friend you should at least do the bare minimum to maintain that friendship. But alas, people are wishy washy, and in the end everyone is only looking out for themselves.
It shouldn’t be this way. Maybe I feel this way because I don’t have a lot of family. I have my father, and that is pretty much it. So to me, the friends that I do choose to let in to my little world are people that I have carefully chosen. I don’t let people in easily. But it seems that every time I do, my “friends” constantly remind me of why I have walls up and have remained closed off to most people.
I am the only one of my friends that is single. I am on a different page in life than most of them. While most people think that I should be out running around, finally getting the chance to take advantage of having the 20’s lifestyle that I never got to have, I think that I should be at home with my kids. Yes, we go out and about, we do fun things, but these things are family oriented and kid friendly. While I do have that in common with my friends, there is one thing that I absolutely do not have in common with them- the majority of them are your friend at work, and sometimes even outside of work, but nobody makes their friendships a priority in any way, shape, or form.
I wouldn’t be so upset about any of this, but there were 2 friends that I texted on Saturday. Neither one answered. Neither acknowledged that I had even texted them. Then here we are, the Tuesday after a weekend holiday, and they come in the office and smile, wave, and say “Good Morning!” They want to chat and be nice. I don’t want to be nice right now. Quite honestly, I’m still pretty pissed that you can’t even take 2 seconds out of your day to answer a text message. Tell me again how important our friendship is to you? You can’t be my best buddy when it’s convenient for you, then not even acknowledge my existence when you’re with your family.
It is just so frustrating to know that people don’t see friendships the same way I do. I guess I shouldn’t really expect everyone to see it my way. But it definitely doesn’t feel good to be pushed to the back burner all the time because you don’t want to take 2 seconds to answer a text. It’s just flat out rude. And if you’re being this rude to me, are you really someone that I want to be “friends” with? Probably not.
So I’m sitting in my cubicle today and I’m going to mind my own business. I will not go out of my way to speak to either one of you, and I definitely won’t go out of my way to help you out. My walls are up now. You show me how much you don’t care about me as a person, and I am going to show you how cold and unforgiving I can be. Seems silly to be so upset about a text, but this isn’t just about the text. This is about the sum of all the times that you’ve done this to me. This is about me asking for your help moving and you brush me off. This is about every time I have needed someone to just listen, and you weren’t there.
I am tired of making people priorities in my life when all I am to them is an option.
A Girl Undone 